These just MIGHT be the Worst-Tasting Jelly Beans Ever

Brach's Funfetti Jelly Beans

Brach's Funfetti Jelly Beans

Remember childhood hallowe'ens when you would eat everything in your bag within the first day... except for your least favorite candy? Maybe they were Necco Wafers. Maybe they were some unholy combination of chocolate and peanut butter. It's a matter of taste after all. I'm here to suggest, though, that if Brach's Funfetti Jelly Beans had been available when I was a kid, they might well have gone uneaten. Forever. Yeah, they taste that nasty...

Oh, sure, it's all a matter of taste: I know people who detest Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and I also know people who would starve before they'd eat chocolate-covered cherries. But I stand firm in the conviction that no one in their right mind would find these things delectable. They're supposed to taste like "your favorite vanilla cupcake," according to some press release. Well, they do taste somewhat like a Hostess Cupcake... one that came out of the oven around the time the original company filed for bankruptcy a decade ago! The taste is sort of vanilla, however, it's overlaid with a bizarre chemical tang that, frankly, defies description. 

Brach's versions of tiny, gourmet-style beans has always been just average. This version of the miniatures is, frankly, even more suspect than usual. The bag contains only the one flavor; a little variety might have been more "fun." Texturally, the candy shell is rather soft; and the interior is little more than a neutral-flavored sugary gumdrop. All are white with varying amounts of tiny, multicolored squares of color. Maybe it's the artificial food coloring that gives the shell its unpleasant taste? Or an overabundance of shellac or mineral oil? Whatever the case, I won't be shelling out almost four bucks for a ten-ounce bag again. 

In a word, blechhh: one star.

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